So happy :)

Just a quick note to say: I PASSED MY ABRSM GRADE 8 FLUTE!!!! 

Commencing happy stimming 🙂

 

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I am not a hypochondriac!

On a quite regular basis I mention physical complaints to my family, this is usually followed by a chorus of ‘hypochondriac!’ However I am not a hypochondriac, I’m just bored. For some reason when I’m bored I go-a-Googling to see what could be wrong with me. This is not hypochondria because non of it worries me and I never look at anything terminal or fatal. I suppose it’s just a way of trying to understand myself and collect more knowledge. It actually makes me happy to look for what could (but probably won’t be) wrong with me, so you could say it’s a kind of obsession. I will continue to do this as it doesn’t bother my family and it makes me happy even if people think I’m a hypochondriac.

Tomorrow Never Comes

From time to time I get into the mind-set during which there is no tomorrow. Obviously I know there is a tomorrow but it doesn’t affect me where it would usually cause a little to an extreme amount of anxiety depending on what was going to happen. This may seem like a positive state of mind but it isn’t. Deadlines now don’t exist. This proves quite problematic when in school as repercussions will follow once I get to tomorrow; also I don’t get to look forward to anything. I am literally living in the moment. It unfortunately comes along with an amount of emotional numbness, not always complete emotional numbness, but enough to be unpleasant.

I have a theory that it may be a form of shutdown or the ‘hangover’ from a meltdown but I’m not sure. It makes sense that my brain would switch off my ability to look into the future and dampen my emotions to stop me getting too overwhelmed or to aid in the recovery from a meltdown, but I am no psychologist.

On the plus side I can stay up extremely late and not feel worried about how tired I will be in the morning… until the morning that is.